I had my moments of
anger and irritability too, times when I was tired to death and ready to drop
down. When all I wanted to do was fall on the bed and sleep but despite the
fatigue, had to force my eyes open because the baby needed me. Sometimes, when he fell sick or caught a cold
and I got very anxious, I started thinking that I’m not a good mother at all.
Was I doing the right thing? Was I looking after the child properly? I lived
away from my family and had no one to guide me. I missed each and every one so
acutely. I would often call up an elderly neighbour for the smallest of
guidance. He’s getting colicky, he’s jittery and irritable today, oh man, he
isn’t eating a single morsel, my!! He’s got high fever today. And she, very
patiently and affectionately guided me all the time. Even drove us to the
doctor during emergencies. I repay my gratitude by giving guidance to young
mothers if and whenever they need it. Looking after a child mainly by myself was very exhausting
too. But those were the initial days. Gradually we got adjusted. He, to my
handling and I, to his requirements.
Like any other parent, I was not merely concerned about his
physical growth, but also his mental ability. I would take him out and
constantly talk to him. I would show him trees, plants, birds and animals. I directed him to listen to sounds like a
dog’s woof, a cow’s moo and an aircraft’s swish. He would wave his hand the
moment he heard a plane, and surprisingly, I heard the sound only a few seconds
later.
I dipped his hand in water to make him feel wet. Run it on
smooth silk and on hard surfaces. We observed the frilly, ornamental leaves and
the vibrant colours of a lady bird. I also
showed him picture books, gave
him crayons and paper to draw whatever he liked. I knew nothing about parenting and I stopped
trying to find out. I was just me all the time freely expressing my happiness,
surprise, anger and any other emotion too. I never hid anything from him. I
made mistakes in front of him and accepted them too. I apologized if required. I scolded him when needed, was even
unreasonable to him at times. I showed him the various human traits and made my
point to him.”It is okay to make mistakes, we are only human. But it is
equally important to understand and accept them.” I simply loved him and expressed it too. “Your parents love you most of all. And will
always stand by you. If you ever feel you have done something wrong, howsoever
bad the thing is, we’ll not scold you. You must come and share it with us.
It is so very
important to instill this confidence in children. We have to do this especially
in this age of strong peer pressure and an even stronger and influential
media. Somewhere as parents, each one of
us feel powerless before this and we do get overcome by the feeling of not
being able to keep track of the child. Today is not the age when a child is
mainly dependent on his family for learning everything. He picks up some good
and bad things from other sources as well.
We must give him this assurance that we are always there for him whatsoever might happen, he must come
and confide in us. He should not have the fear that makes him hide things.
And after almost 13 years of being a mother, I feel that more
than anything else, what really works is being what you yourself really are. If
you get up late, you can’t ask him to rise early. If you are lazy, you can’t
ask the child to work hard. If you tell lies, don’t even expect him to be
honest and truthful. Eventually, each parent, wittingly or unwittingly becomes a model for his child. We
always get reflected in our children whether we like it or not.
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