My Parenting experiences part1

Just giving birth to children doesn’t make us parents. Parenting is a  kaleidoscopic conglomeration of fun affection, enjoyment, distress, amazement, agony. One relationship where one lives another beings emotion even more deeply than one’s own.

 Giving birth  is a very personal matter and decision. Sometimes, parents are able to plan their birth, sometimes they are not. But, whatever the case may be, bringing them up is definitely a social responsibility. To understand this aspect of parenting, one must first understand the importance of one’s own social responsibility. To feel that we are not merely individuals meant to take care of our own priggish selves but are a thread in the immensely vivid and vast fabric of creation.   The way the threads are woven and knitted is up to us, but the fact that they are knitted cannot be denied. We just throw garbage out of our doors to make our houses clean,  but that's not the end. It goes somewhere into the public space where we also roam around spreading dengue, malaria and we float our noses high up in the air pooh pooh-ing the squalid stench, criticizing the poor infrastructure and blaming the “oh so corrupt” political system

The fact is that we are a part of the whole, just like a finger is a part of the body. If  a single thread is pulled, it can affect and ruin the entire fabric, in a similar way, a pain in any one part of the body distresses the whole of it. So, to create an environment of happiness and abundance around us, we have to ensure that the concentric circles around us are in harmony.  If we take, we must give and vice versa, otherwise any system loses its balance. This is what Sri Krishna taught in the Geeta through Sankhya yoga.  I took my son to a Charitable School one day. He was a little taken aback. “Are you getting me admitted here mom?” He asked me innocently. I just smiled at him and explained that we were just sharing some extra bits that God has given to us with those who have a little less. It is the responsibility of those with abundance to extend their hands to the less fortunate  and lend them some stability otherwise those people living in want start nurturing discontent and vengeance towards the privileged section of the society. It is this emotion that gives birth to thieves, robbers, murderers, rapists.

None of us were born into our profession. We have worked our way up to that position. Similarly, the goons and ruffians too were not born into hooliganism. Most of it is empirical and circumstantial.  I’m not denying that some are more aggressive, unruly and uncontrollable even as children, but there definitely are ways and means of channelizing their vibrant energies into more creative and positive directions. And that demands a lot of time and patience. And both of them are things that we have a dearth of as busy adult beings. But even if we do a tiny little bit, it would surely be a step towards creating harmony. Howsoever small the step might be, it could be instrumental in unleashing a huge potential lying hidden and dormant in our society.

Doing our bit doesn’t merely mean donating money to charities.  Our scriptures talk about various types of ‘daans’ or donations. Donating money is referred to as the easiest one. Then we have the ‘shram daan’ or donating our services. There are a lot of eminent doctors these days who form NGOs and put camps in remote areas and offer their specialized services to the poor and sick. We can do ‘vidya daan’ i.e. take the responsibility of teaching and educating. We can do social service irrespective of our own social status.  Some of us feel that it is only the economically weaker section of society who need help. But I feel that more than them, it is the affluent section that needs a lot of help. More the affluence, greater become the stresses. And according to me, giving a sympathetic ear to the stressed and distressed is also a social service of sorts. The idea is to enthuse harmony.

We don’t always have to be at home or physically present with our children to educate them. We can do that merely by first understanding and then performing our own duty as a responsible citizen. It is not hyperbolic at all to state that children learn more by emulation and less, very less by teaching them moral, social or any other kind of values.  “Morality is going to the dogs these days,” I often hear people say.  A lot of immoral activities are becoming the norm of the age nowadays. And as the older generation, even though we feel the pinch, we feel helplessly  drawn into the whirlpool as powerless observers. It’s only deep down in the silence of our hearts that we mourn over these unbecoming changes. Yet, the subtle voices of our consciences  gets lost amidst the crowd of keyboards, swipes of touch phones filled with dancing images and rocking icons of whatever you can think of.  The world’s changing, we tell ourselves, we have to be broad-minded and keep pace with the world, we console ourselves. But, truth and value system can’t be altered. The moment the Draupadi of morality is stripped in the hedonistic court of pleasure,it leads to the falldown of a golden civilization and the destructive battle of Mahabharata becomes inevitable.

It is our responsibility as parents to lead the path. We can’t be materialistically flamboyant and show off our branded stuff at kitty parties and expect our children to be sagacious and deep. It is not wrong to buy and use good quality stuff, the problems begin when our worlds become limited merely to things. Brands don’t define us, it is the sparks in eyes, feelings in the heart and thoughts in the mind that do. Showing off only ignites jealousy in others, creating negativity. It is important to create a balance in young impressionable minds

 We need to water their roots and make them strong enough to bear hardships so that they can face challenges in their future lives. My parents exposed me to hardships even when facilities were available so that I would be equipped with braving all the unforeseen storms. On the contrary, today, we  give the best to our children, cushion their lives, keep them away from dirt and squalor. So, if we are bringing up  two dimensional card board characters  who are undoubtedly updated on the latest gadgets and trends but turn their noses away from the problems in others’ lives, we only have ourselves to blame. When and where and how are we teaching them to face challenges in life?  Many of our children are exposed to parental fights and abuse, cracked relationships, divorces and broken homes. They grow up nurturing rancour, hatred, displeasure, how can we expect them to spread cheer and positivity?