The Traffic Light

              I had just gone down to check and trial run my car after its servicing with the intention of coming back as soon as I had parked it in the basement. I just happened to ask the driver how he would be going back to the workshop at which he said, “ Chal kar jayenge madam.” The lament in his tone and the ten rupee note bundled up in his palm made me drive out of the apartment gate toward the Service station. “Stepney bhi puncher hai,” said he, so I decided to race to the nearby petrol pump for refuelling and the puncture  job. On my way back, I took another route and not being very sure of the way, felt that I had crossed the right turn that I should have taken, so nonchalantly, I took a U-turn. And there they were, a flock of traffic cops as if waiting for their prey eagerly, waved their hand and stopped me.  An Amazon like lady cop peered over me. “What’ve I done?”       

“Laisance..” she commanded in her cacophonous voice.

“But hua kya hai?” I asked feeling confused and taking my licence out in the meantime.  I hadn’t crossed the signal or anything, what was I being reprimanded for, I wondered. “No U Turn hai yahan par.” And as she saw me taking my licence out of my wallet, “PUC….Puc bhi laao,” I had the PUC of course, I keep all my car things updated and in the proper place. “It’s okay, I said, you charge the fine, I was being careful but if I’ve made a mistake, I must pay for it,” and gave her a 100 rupee note.

She grabbed the note with a lightning speed, “Green light hai, chalo chalo, ab fatafat U turn le lo.”

“But I want the receipt, I’ve paid the fine.”

Oh! What had I said!!! She looked at me as if she would put me into jail for that and asked for the licence again and asked a male colleague to make the challan for me.

Well, I collected the receipt and drove back the same red light, with eyes as big as saucers, looking out for the no U Turn sign carefully.  I actually didn’t see any. Now, wasn’t that surprising? I had just paid a fine for a mistake that I hadn’t made. I took a right turn but didn’t feel good about being wronged. I may not get my money back, I ruminated, but I would certainly give the cops a run for their money, I decided. So with a conviction in my heart, I took a U Turn again. “God save the cops!!!”

They gestured once again as I took a left turn this time. I simply ignored them. “Madam, wrong signal… No free left turn,” it was the maushi again. “I’ll pay the fine once again,” I said, “as soon as you explain to me why I was charged a fine last time.”   

“ You can’t take a U Turn from here,” they tried to scare me. “Where does it say so, there is no board out here.” I actually made one of  the cops  walk right up to the signal to show me the board. Weird guy, didn’t want to give up even after finding none, so he turned to the signal of the opposite direction and showed me the prohibition board!!!

“What the….*&#$^&*#**…..You mean to say that  I have to look at the signal of the opposite direction to drive straight…? Let me take a picture of this signal, I am going to ask for an explanation..”  And I started walking back to where my car was, just next to the other cops.

 “I didn’t stop you,” said that one. And what appeared even more comical to me, he said, “ You were coming from that direction, weren't you?”  I felt quite foolish even trying to explain that if I was coming from that side, why would I take a U Turn, I would have driven straight isn’t it? But he decided to play the ignoramus game with me and pretended that he knew nothing about anything.  “I don’t mind paying the fine, but I must know what my mistake is.” I wasn’t giving up.  I’m sure they weren’t used to this cross questioning awing people merely by the impact of their white uniform.

“Board nahi hone se kuch nahi hota..,” said another one, “Jahan se U turn allowed hai wahan par board laga hota hai.”  Oh My God!!! The guy had straight away walked into the lion’s den. He had had it from me now. “Show me the U turn board here then,” I demanded stubbornly.

“This is also no U turn,” he said.

“ But Maushi asked me to take the U turn from here,  I’m new to this place, please explain to me what is the difference between these two turnings? How is one supposed to differentiate? At this rate, I will only be paying fines all the time.”  No reply, no reply at all. I am not going to take this matter lightly, I said, peeping out of my reading glasses and staring at each one of them, looking extremely important. I’m going to demand an explanation. It was just their luck that I wasn’t carrying my mobile phone with me, otherwise I would already have clicked the pictures. But the salvo was that they didn’t know about it.  A flurry amongst the group members and none of them was able to decide what to say to me.

“I have the receipt with me,”  I dangled it under their noses. “Tell me your name,” I commanded with a pen and paper in my hands, holding my eyes with a steady gaze and not even battling an eye lid.

They all looked at one another wondering who would  take the blame. “The name is there on the challan,” said one of them.

“It was maushi who had stopped me…” I said,  but she had cunningly worn her name badge in such a way that it had flipped onto the other side.  And she hadn’t signed the challan, so technically, she was safe. She still tried to scare me out with her commandeering demeanour, but I was unfazed. Then one of them  jumped and came forward and literally dragged the paper out of my hand and hurriedly placed the 100  rupee note back on the car’s seat as if it were a bomb.

 “Jao jao Madam,”  he signalled, as if in a hurry to get rid of me. “Koi baat nahi….”

Gorgon  Maushi wasn’t glad at all. She gave me a spiteful, repugnant and venomous look. First of all, I had shattered her hope of a prospective bribe by asking for the receipt, and this must have been a double loss because they would have to fulfil the fine receipt amount. I had pulled the meat out of the scavengers’ beaks. But I wasn’t regretting it. I was almost smiling inwardly at the feat. 

It was a small amount and I realized that the time that I had spent over the issue was much more precious, but I felt the inward satisfaction of having taught a lesson to some of those who misuse the dignity of their uniform.

Shaping the personality part2

 I had my moments of anger and irritability too, times when I was tired to death and ready to drop down. When all I wanted to do was fall on the bed and sleep but despite the fatigue, had to force my eyes open because the baby needed me.  Sometimes, when he fell sick or caught a cold and I got very anxious, I started thinking that I’m not a good mother at all. Was I doing the right thing? Was I looking after the child properly? I lived away from my family and had no one to guide me. I missed each and every one so acutely. I would often call up an elderly neighbour for the smallest of guidance. He’s getting colicky, he’s jittery and irritable today, oh man, he isn’t eating a single morsel, my!! He’s got high fever today. And she, very patiently and affectionately guided me all the time. Even drove us to the doctor during emergencies. I repay my gratitude by giving guidance to young mothers if and whenever they need it.  Looking after  a child mainly by myself was very exhausting too. But those were the initial days. Gradually we got adjusted. He, to my handling and I, to his requirements.  

Like any other parent, I was not merely concerned about his physical growth, but also his mental ability. I would take him out and constantly talk to him. I would show him trees, plants, birds and animals.  I directed him to listen to sounds like a dog’s woof, a cow’s moo and an aircraft’s swish. He would wave his hand the moment he heard a plane, and surprisingly, I heard the sound only a few seconds later.

I dipped his hand in water to make him feel wet. Run it on smooth silk and on hard surfaces. We observed the frilly, ornamental leaves and the vibrant colours of a lady bird. I also  showed  him picture books, gave him crayons and paper to draw whatever he liked.  I knew nothing about parenting and I stopped trying to find out. I was just me all the time freely expressing my happiness, surprise, anger and any other emotion too. I never hid anything from him. I made mistakes in front of him and accepted them too. I apologized if required.  I scolded him when needed, was even unreasonable to him at times. I showed him the various human traits and made my point to him.”It is okay to make mistakes, we are only human. But it is equally important to understand and accept them.”   I simply loved him and expressed it too.   “Your parents love you most of all. And will always stand by you. If you ever feel you have done something wrong, howsoever bad the thing is, we’ll not scold you. You must come and share it with us.

 It is so very important to instill this confidence in children. We have to do this especially in this age of strong peer pressure and an even stronger and influential media.  Somewhere as parents, each one of us feel powerless before this and we do get overcome by the feeling of not being able to keep track of the child. Today is not the age when a child is mainly dependent on his family for learning everything. He picks up some good and bad things from other sources as well.   We must   give  him this assurance that we are always there for him whatsoever might happen, he must come and confide in us. He should not have the fear that makes him hide things. 

And after almost 13 years of being a mother, I feel that more than anything else, what really works is being what you yourself really are. If you get up late, you can’t ask him to rise early. If you are lazy, you can’t ask the child to work hard. If you tell lies, don’t even expect him to be honest and truthful. Eventually, each parent, wittingly or  unwittingly becomes a model for his child. We always get reflected in our children whether we like it or not.

My Parenting experiences part1

Just giving birth to children doesn’t make us parents. Parenting is a  kaleidoscopic conglomeration of fun affection, enjoyment, distress, amazement, agony. One relationship where one lives another beings emotion even more deeply than one’s own.

 Giving birth  is a very personal matter and decision. Sometimes, parents are able to plan their birth, sometimes they are not. But, whatever the case may be, bringing them up is definitely a social responsibility. To understand this aspect of parenting, one must first understand the importance of one’s own social responsibility. To feel that we are not merely individuals meant to take care of our own priggish selves but are a thread in the immensely vivid and vast fabric of creation.   The way the threads are woven and knitted is up to us, but the fact that they are knitted cannot be denied. We just throw garbage out of our doors to make our houses clean,  but that's not the end. It goes somewhere into the public space where we also roam around spreading dengue, malaria and we float our noses high up in the air pooh pooh-ing the squalid stench, criticizing the poor infrastructure and blaming the “oh so corrupt” political system

The fact is that we are a part of the whole, just like a finger is a part of the body. If  a single thread is pulled, it can affect and ruin the entire fabric, in a similar way, a pain in any one part of the body distresses the whole of it. So, to create an environment of happiness and abundance around us, we have to ensure that the concentric circles around us are in harmony.  If we take, we must give and vice versa, otherwise any system loses its balance. This is what Sri Krishna taught in the Geeta through Sankhya yoga.  I took my son to a Charitable School one day. He was a little taken aback. “Are you getting me admitted here mom?” He asked me innocently. I just smiled at him and explained that we were just sharing some extra bits that God has given to us with those who have a little less. It is the responsibility of those with abundance to extend their hands to the less fortunate  and lend them some stability otherwise those people living in want start nurturing discontent and vengeance towards the privileged section of the society. It is this emotion that gives birth to thieves, robbers, murderers, rapists.

None of us were born into our profession. We have worked our way up to that position. Similarly, the goons and ruffians too were not born into hooliganism. Most of it is empirical and circumstantial.  I’m not denying that some are more aggressive, unruly and uncontrollable even as children, but there definitely are ways and means of channelizing their vibrant energies into more creative and positive directions. And that demands a lot of time and patience. And both of them are things that we have a dearth of as busy adult beings. But even if we do a tiny little bit, it would surely be a step towards creating harmony. Howsoever small the step might be, it could be instrumental in unleashing a huge potential lying hidden and dormant in our society.

Doing our bit doesn’t merely mean donating money to charities.  Our scriptures talk about various types of ‘daans’ or donations. Donating money is referred to as the easiest one. Then we have the ‘shram daan’ or donating our services. There are a lot of eminent doctors these days who form NGOs and put camps in remote areas and offer their specialized services to the poor and sick. We can do ‘vidya daan’ i.e. take the responsibility of teaching and educating. We can do social service irrespective of our own social status.  Some of us feel that it is only the economically weaker section of society who need help. But I feel that more than them, it is the affluent section that needs a lot of help. More the affluence, greater become the stresses. And according to me, giving a sympathetic ear to the stressed and distressed is also a social service of sorts. The idea is to enthuse harmony.

We don’t always have to be at home or physically present with our children to educate them. We can do that merely by first understanding and then performing our own duty as a responsible citizen. It is not hyperbolic at all to state that children learn more by emulation and less, very less by teaching them moral, social or any other kind of values.  “Morality is going to the dogs these days,” I often hear people say.  A lot of immoral activities are becoming the norm of the age nowadays. And as the older generation, even though we feel the pinch, we feel helplessly  drawn into the whirlpool as powerless observers. It’s only deep down in the silence of our hearts that we mourn over these unbecoming changes. Yet, the subtle voices of our consciences  gets lost amidst the crowd of keyboards, swipes of touch phones filled with dancing images and rocking icons of whatever you can think of.  The world’s changing, we tell ourselves, we have to be broad-minded and keep pace with the world, we console ourselves. But, truth and value system can’t be altered. The moment the Draupadi of morality is stripped in the hedonistic court of pleasure,it leads to the falldown of a golden civilization and the destructive battle of Mahabharata becomes inevitable.

It is our responsibility as parents to lead the path. We can’t be materialistically flamboyant and show off our branded stuff at kitty parties and expect our children to be sagacious and deep. It is not wrong to buy and use good quality stuff, the problems begin when our worlds become limited merely to things. Brands don’t define us, it is the sparks in eyes, feelings in the heart and thoughts in the mind that do. Showing off only ignites jealousy in others, creating negativity. It is important to create a balance in young impressionable minds

 We need to water their roots and make them strong enough to bear hardships so that they can face challenges in their future lives. My parents exposed me to hardships even when facilities were available so that I would be equipped with braving all the unforeseen storms. On the contrary, today, we  give the best to our children, cushion their lives, keep them away from dirt and squalor. So, if we are bringing up  two dimensional card board characters  who are undoubtedly updated on the latest gadgets and trends but turn their noses away from the problems in others’ lives, we only have ourselves to blame. When and where and how are we teaching them to face challenges in life?  Many of our children are exposed to parental fights and abuse, cracked relationships, divorces and broken homes. They grow up nurturing rancour, hatred, displeasure, how can we expect them to spread cheer and positivity?